ciâ cheva – understanding eggs

28 09 2010

The wind howled like the blind dog my mother strangled back in ’64. It was the night (as Daddy put it) that the ‘owl embraced the day’. Or as another wag had it: ‘when that ol’ bitch got what was coming to her’. A trite pun that second one, but not without some truth. Not without some truth indeed. And far be it from me to poke a fat finger into the whole thing by reminding you all that Myopius was male. Far be it. After all, this isn’t about the dog, is it? Nor about my mother (who, not that it matters, I never forgave and have seeking to replace for more than forty years now). No. This is about the wind. The howling wind. Or else the trees, which one might suppose had facilitated, enabled or assisted the striking soundscape. The trees and the wind. The trees and the wind and the rain. Nature’s gloriously messy orchestra. Like pre-school kids on percussion. Like tone-deaf teenagers taking out their frustration though the medium of melody. Harmless, disconcerting.

All of which got me thinking. Yes – it happens. And it happened to me, as I stumbled through the rain, listening to the wind, remembering the dog, my mother and… well, you know the score. So, I was thinking…. And this is what I was thinking: Read the rest of this entry »





p.52

23 09 2010

[In late 2007 close friend and writer Jean-Pierre Sertin completed his experimental novel, p.52. He asked whether I would publish it. I did - in a limited run of 52. After these were sold, I made the whole book available online as a free download. This fit of generosity continues below...]

‘You find yourself confronted by 52 pages of page 52s accompanied
by 52 summaries of these same 52 pages…’

p.52 (download here)

(N.B. The file is formatted so that readers are able to print their own copies of the novel, which can – with a pair of scissors in hand – be easily arranged in book form. Between the preface, introduction and the index, readers are encouraged to take liberties with the order of the pages. Which is to say, there is no specific order….)

Further Reading:

Jean-Pierre Sertin (an interview by Matthew Taylor-Rosnik)





The Kolovsky Correspondence

19 09 2010

[Shortly after the publication of Sebastien Cheraz's review of Jarni Kolovsky's novel, I entered the following correspondence with Mr Andrew O'Hara of The Jimston Journal. It makes, I think, for some interesting reading]

Readers. Without them, writers would be nothing. Dust in the sandstorm. Microscopic plankton in the enormous ocean. A comma in an epic novel. But that’s not to say that, beyond their decision to consume our words, we should value their judgement. After all, if they had better opinions than ours, they wouldn’t be readers in the first place, would they? We’re the teachers and they’re the pupils. We write, they read. When a writer has to read a reader’s writing, something has gone wrong. Aha! you say (or maybe you don’t – but let’s say you do) – don’t the best teachers learn from their pupils? The answer, my dear novice, is no. At least, not outside of Hollywood. Unless, of course, you’re a bad teacher, in which case you’re not really a teacher at all, just a pretender. Or unless your pupil is surpassingly sagacious – something which doesn’t happen very often, if at all. No, on the whole, the reader is at his/her best when silent; when issuing a pass for the great wisdom of others to enter into their empty little heads, whilst keeping their own homespun (and shoddily constructed) wisdom safely locked away. Read the rest of this entry »





Jarni Kolovsky – …And I Lost

19 09 2010

Far be it from me to imitate those scoundrels who take unnatural pleasure in biting off the hand that feeds them, but I must say a word or two against the latest publication by Upside-Down-Then-Backwards, the associated press of this otherwise exemplary journal. It’s not that I actively dislike Jean-Pierre Sertin’s p.52 (there’s humour enough in his introduction to suggest that his experimentation isn’t deadly earnest) but I must have my reservations. Knowingness isn’t always a saving grace, after all. Nor can we be expected to treat every little puzzling postmodern text with a pinch of salt. There’s no harm in a writer having a little fun every now and again, but there comes a time when one has to step up to the plate and deliver something, well, something more substantial. Read the rest of this entry »





Vladimir Dorwindovitch – The Empty Tree

17 09 2010

Literary critics have nightmares too. ’Tis not uncommon that I may wake up some time in the middle of a balmy night sweating like an inebriate Italian, fear written across my face in metaphorical permanent marker, my hands trembling like a cheap food processor; freshly released from the grips of some ominous ordeal. In recent times, I have suffered from a reoccurring nightmare: I am seated behind an old wooden desk surrounded by middle-aged men in faded suits pointing fountain pens at my head – the type that are really guns in disguise – whilst in an academic alternative to synchronised swimming they crease their wrinkled foreheads and form a supreme collective frown. My own pen hovers above the habitually blank paper, as if awaiting orders, which arrive, finally, from between the thick glistening lips of the man who stands directly in front of the desk.

‘Write me a synopsis’ he spits, threateningly.

I shrug my slight shoulders foolishly, as if to say ‘Is that all?’, supposing (quite literally) that I can write a synopsis in my sleep.

‘I’m not finished’ he splutters.

‘Go on’ I intimate.

‘Write me a synopsis of The Empty Tree

Panic seeps into my body, as if applied slowly with a syringe. Read the rest of this entry »





Karan Jlcawkzca – Twice in a House on Fire

17 09 2010

A foggy Sunday morning on The Strand, two or more years ago. I had found myself there, so to speak; caught myself unawares, after a night of what could only be called revelry. I lie: it could also be called carousing, or maybe even wilful wassailing, but for better or worse, revelry will suit me fine. I was a little worse for wear, needless to say, and more than a little worried over things that might or might not have occurred the preceding evening. Had I really kissed that young Spanish poet? Worse still, could I really have praised his poetry? I sincerely hoped not. Inebriate critics can be so horribly forgiving, so painfully sycophantic, so very awfully nice. But what could I do? I had been making a fool of myself for some weeks now: it had become a habit. I had forgotten what ‘sensible’ was. I saw other people doing it, but I couldn’t cotton on. The festival of Saturn was on – and I had a backstage pass. After all, I was determined to show my (or even the) public that I was at least half as depressed as my ex-husband, Mr Edmund Ek, even if the public weren’t watching (and they weren’t of course). On top of this (and well, no, let’s leave that aside shall we?) I was single again. That meant something – or I thought it meant something. Maybe it meant nothing. Who knows? Read the rest of this entry »





Obo Urlach – Fires of Wilmeldestran

13 09 2010

[To confuse each and every one of my readers, I have re-published this review just after Ropes' review of Fernando Aloisi - when in reality it was this work which came first. Forgiveness will be begged for at an appropriate juncture. Meanwhile, get thee reading...]

Pass me my glass, would you? It’s the one with the fat unicorn and the… Yes, that’s the one. Thanks.

Now, where was I?

Oh yes.

It was a couple of years ago, I think, when the right dishonourable Georgy Riecke dropped me a line. I say dropped me a line – I mean he wrote me a letter. Remember those? Envelopes and all that… Well, I seem to recall that Riecke had a penchant (more his word than mine) for writing letters on lime green paper. Don’t ask me why. The man is terribly affected. The best half-arsed bohemian I’ve ever met. You know these literary critics: the epitome of life in the fast lane. Lime green notepaper today, antique pink envelopes tomorrow. He’d say the colour had a significant and profound affect on the power of the words. I’d say it’s green paper – and you wouldn’t catch me using it. But don’t let me stop you, Georgy. Use any paper you like, my dear fellow. Read the rest of this entry »





Fernando Aloisi – On, Xavier!

13 09 2010

Oh my sainted satin slippers. What am I doing here?

Do not mistake this for a brash statement of universal angst. I talk not of this spherical cesspit; this choking-wheezing-stumbling-sickened planet of ours. Goodness no. I have long since ceased meditating over that pointless conundrum. My clumsy arrow of a question is aimed at a narrower target. In short, why am I allowing you, my dear reader, to sup on the sweetest selection of my words? What could have provoked me to once again lend a grubby exploratory hand to the sad dusty journal that is Underneath the Bunker? Have I not sworn, several times, never to respond to Georgy Riecke’s desperate requests with any other than an expression of extreme disdain? Have I not regretted, every minute of every day, having already sprayed the faint perfume of my genius on this dirty magazine one time too many? Read the rest of this entry »





Speyer in Spring: A Recollection

12 09 2010

[by Georgy Riecke]

It was lighter than usual for that time of the year. Or do I mean darker? The observation was my wife’s, not mine, and I am sadly unaccustomed to listening closely to her passing comments on seasonal ephemera. Thus spake the postman: I am a man of letters and care not for natural wonders. I recall that Oscar Wilde said something similar, after Huysmanns perhaps, who was himself inspired, most probably, by a similarly witty Parisian postman. Originality is overrated, or has to be, I think, to save us from metaphorically chopping ourselves into little pieces. Johannes Speyer didn’t like to be unoriginal – which is why he wrote very little, and nearly died of worry. Read the rest of this entry »





RIPOSTE (or Why I Am Not Yevgeny Nonik)

8 09 2010

[In 2007, or 2008, or thereabouts, I was accused of having invented the writer Yevgeny Nonik. I issued the following riposte]

Dear Readers,

There are better ways to start ones summer holiday than to discover that you are thought to be a vulgar cheat. But then I am a critic – and well used to such things. Juice off a goose’s posterior, as they don’t say. As you can imagine, I have over the years developed a mature manner of reacting to such vehement charges. I ignore them. As the ever-busy letters page on this website proves, I am not unhappy to give fools their space. Everyone deserves their space. However, you will doubtless notice that I am not in the habit of responding to my – or my colleagues – detractors. Much as I value their various pedantic complaints, I do not think it wise to encourage them to up their game, for whilst I believe that the questioning nature is the only nature, I have little time for that odious beast, the Cynico-Supreme. Read the rest of this entry »








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